Pointless Hike

THe last entry, I really was not all that inspired. I am in a very new place - living a new life. I can see myself distracting away from discipline - the disciplined life. I keep thinking about someone in the town that I just moved from. Am I thinking of this person because I am avoiding myself? Or, do I really want to be around this person? I can see at times that my mind goes there when it is defaulting, but I don't really think that this is always the case. I was on a hike yesterday, having a hard time getting time out of mind. I keep getting moments of extreme frustration - this happened many times on the hike. I went with the intention of making it to the top - about a 3 hour hike - no big deal. I'll get a great workout. My mind was focused on the top. I was not experiencing the now. why this destination, this final point? I am living life as one point to the next - not a continuous line - circle - spiral. I want my spiral to move up or further into the center or - ? In the infinite - I try to find an end. There are no points connecting - pointless. No progression, no regression, just experience. I kept noticing that I was not experiencing and was preoccupied with the end of this hike - on to the next thing, and then the next thing . . . I began to notice nature a bit more. I was thinking about what this wonderful yoga teacher had said that morning. I felt like she was saying it to me; she even patted me on the thigh when she said it - "You have to learn to relax." She said this as we were in a restorative version of halasana with our legs propped up on a chair. She explained that it usually takes us at least a minute or so to begin to relax into this pose, so, we need to hold it for at least few minutes. I was thinking this about nature. Living in the city, surrounded by so many people and sharp angles of building and fast moving cars and . . . ............ It takes us some time to wind down from this and really be in nature - with nature. It's difficult to see that we are nature - we are divine - when we become used to a synthetic form of it. I am not at all saying that 'synthetic' mean unnatural. It is a processed form of nature - one that we have processed - played the God part. This is not bad, I'm just saying that we need to give ourselves time to experience and dissolve into the unprocessed nature. There were a few moments during my hike, when I began to dissolve for breif moments before i was drawn back into my habitual state of time and relavency. I decided that I was not going to make it to the top. I felt like this was almost to spite myself. I would turn around at the spot that felt right. I found it and hung out for a bit. I listened to the sounds of the Earth communicating with itself. I breathed with it.
The way down was not as peaceful as one would maybe think after, I am making fun of myself here, breathing with nature. My ego loves to think it is enlightened. What stands out about the way down though, is this tree I saw. It had one root in the ground, and when it came from the ground, it bowed way out in two - it made an oval shape, and then it met up again and sprouted delightfully up into the sky. I immediately thought of the person that I was speaking of at the beginning of this blog. I pictured everyone that we ever encounter - the world - humanity - existence, having one root that connects us all, but a handful of people in our lives sprout up in a more unified way than we do with the rest. Perhaps I am super naive, but I imagined me and this person right now making the oval - our root system, our sprout can only grow up in this way if we are apart for some time. We need this time to flourish and sprout up together. I am going to draw this. Oh, it feels good to be back.